Our Model for Communication and Learning

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

Neuro-Linguistic Programming is a method for changing thoughts and behaviours in order to achieve desired outcomes. The popularity of neuro-linguistic programming, or NLP, has become widespread since its start in the 1970s. Many approaches to coaching use NLP as a foundation, and two of the most important uses of NLP include improvement of performance and personal happiness. NLP also provides a solid foundation for working with engagement.

All Interaction Consulting Group consultants are certified in NLP and are involved in teaching others to use NLP. This document describes some of the most important strands we have taken from NLP and woven into our work with engagement.

System Wisdom

When you want to have the most effective use of communication and change techniques, you need to consider the larger context and long-term effects. What this often means is that the best way to meet your own needs and interests is to address the needs and interests of everyone involved in your situation. Our job is to teach individuals how to live satisfactory lives in the contexts in which they participate—including work, family, organizational activities. Instead of being “a victim of the system,” you take an active responsibility for your development, assuring the alignment between your needs and the unique character of the system. This approach may also lead to a change in the system itself.

Strength-Based

A trength-based approach provides both direction and drive for engagement. The starting point for our work is our customers’ values, qualities and competency. Our customers’ values provide direction and prioritization. Their unique qualities indicate what they can contribute and where they need help. Their competency shows the best way for them to approach challenges. Using this strength-based approach is the best make the most of their opportunities and overcome the threats they face.

"Positive interdependence” means that there are things that we can create together, that we cannot create alone. This is the foundation for building mutual trust, a vulnerability-based, mutual trust. It means that I am willing to take the risk of trusting you, because I know that is in your own best interest to support me, and you are willing to trust me because you know it is in my own best interest to support you. No one want to saw off the branch they are sitting on, and in the same way, if we are to cooperate, we need to establish trust before we can create together.

Trust is earned, and it often takes time to build, while it can be destroyed in a moment. The key to success—in leadership, teamwork and sales—is trust that is well-deserved. Note that having good rapport with someone is not the same thing as establishing trust; and when rapport is used to create an illusion of trust, it can be deeply destructive.

Trust

"Positive interdependence” means that there are things that we can create together, that we cannot create alone. This is the foundation for building mutual trust, a vulnerability-based, mutual trust. It means that I am willing to take the risk of trusting you, because I know that is in your own best interest to support me, and you are willing to trust me because you know it is in my own best interest to support you. No one want to saw off the branch they are sitting on, and in the same way, if we are to cooperate, we need to establish trust before we can create together.

Trust is earned, and it often takes time to build, while it can be destroyed in a moment. The key to success—in leadership, teamwork and sales—is trust that is well-deserved. Note that having good rapport with someone is not the same thing as establishing trust; and when rapport is used to create an illusion of trust, it can be deeply destructive.

Framework for Thinking

Using a framework for thinking can be very helpful. It helps us both when we are trying to understand something individually, and when we are working with others and need to establish a common understanding with others. The framework we use is built around three axes—time, hierarchy and relationships.

We use the time axis when we are looking at goals (future), experiences (past) and actions (present). Or, we might use the time axis in our planning, starting either from the beginning or with the end in mind. Another example is to inform our perspective by adjusting the length of our timeline.

An example from the hierarchy axis is to consider intention and action. The concept of intention can be said to be on a higher level than the concept of action, in that the action is a function of the intention.

An example from the relationship axis is distinguishing between perspectives from inside or outside of the relationship. From within the relationship, the focus is on your own or the other’s perspective. You might ask: “What is important for me?” “What is important for you?” “How do we perceive each other?” While from outside the relationship we focus on what we are creating together. You might ask: “Are we using the opportunities to create something together which we could not create alone?” In truth, we can first understand a relationship when we have described it from our own viewpoint, the other’s viewpoint and from outside the relationship.

There are many relevant perspectives; therefore, it is important to be sure that we have considered every relevant perspective, and that we at all times have a common understanding of which axis we are working along and which perspective we are using.

Dialogue

We do not relate to the world as it is, rather we relate to our experience of it. Each of us operates with our individual “atlas” of the world. When we are trying to work together and create together, it is not enough to talk to each other. We need to talk with each other, that is, we need to create a dialogue that leads to mutual understanding. It is easy to have the impression that everyone is in agreement even when we are not, or that we disagree when we, in fact, agree. We should not take being understood for granted.

Dialogue is built on the idea that everyone has a part of the solution we need, and that we can develop that solution through the use of good questions and active listening. Dialogue isn’t the same thing as debate, where the goal is to win and for the other to lose!

NLP helps us to assure a productive dialogue by highlighting language patterns that hinder good communication, and providing methods that assure clearer, more precise and effective communication.

Learning

One way to maximize our learning is to transfer our competency from one situation to another. This is possible as long as our success came from our own efforts and we know how we thought and acted in the original situation.

Another principle is that if one person has achieved mastery through their thoughts and actions, then others can copy their approach. We human beings have much in common. We have senses and language that we use to understand ourselves and to relate to the world around us. We all have the same basic psychological needs. All of this means that the keys to success that are independent of situation can also be independent of person.

The same opportunities and limitations also apply to teams and organizations that wish to learn from their own or others’ successes.

Carrot and Stick

We cannot use a carrot-and-stick approach if we need people to be creative, efficient and to persevere. While rewards and punishments might drive more effort, they don’t help us to do the better job NLP’s holistic approach does. While transactional rewards and punishment can lead to more effort and long days in the office, they do not mean better quality work. In fact, “going all-out” is often counterproductive, because it ignores the complexity of different perspectives, the need to establish common understanding and opportunities that come from learning and mastery. It is NLP’s effectiveness in helping us to understand this complexity, to communicate and to learn that makes it so well suited as a method.

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